on Those

have nothing to say tonite. a picture will have to do....

in the Shades

I never quite get the thing with girls and their large Marc Jacobs shades. I bought Candi one of them in Melbourne – she’d already booked it, I just went there and paid for it like a dutiful boyfriend but at least I didn’t have to pick the right one. P had rows of them things, none I liked. I’ve never seen anyone look good in it.

I’m not even sure why I’m talking about it.

It’s a good looking weather day. For some reason, I’m back to reading audit reports again. This is a different one and it’s not a pretty looking one. It’s not like I like reading ugly reports or anything. I just don’t really have better things to do.

My head’s hurting with things so I try not to think too much. I hurt my hand the other night, not sure how but it’s large and swollen. It doesn’t hurt as much now but it’s uncomfortable.

Sis sent a text from DC. Big Sis. Lil Sis I think is most probably in NYC. I’m not sure where people are. I switched off the phones and went back to bed.

I been drinking chocolate milk. How’s that?

I’ve tons of things in my head. Usually writing things down sort them out. These days it feels like more and more stuff just got cramped in my little head and it’s getting kinda stuffy. Very predictable, yes.

I’m angrier than usual too. Vi thought I was unusually harsh the other night. Maybe, but who cares, really? I needed to let off steam and once you’re on my shitlist, you’re there for a while. Rats dig in longer than others, too.

I was very upset about it but I was probably needlessly harsh. I don’t like rats.

Did I say I don’t date rodents anymore?

I don’t know. I don’t like feeling like I need someone. This isn’t the time for old GNR ballads.

I’m going back to bed, all this reading is doing my head in. I need to watch something fun.

on Distractions and Distortions

"Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not."
~Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

When she smiles, she smiles very pretty. Always lovely to watch and I enjoy myself immensely.

Sunday was a nice Sunday, out in the sea just a few miles off the coast of Jakarta, the water was calm and tempered even if there was a gathering storm getting darker and darker above the city.

I wasn’t sure how I was feeling so I had a few books though in the end I didn’t get to read much of anything. It was too hard to concentrate. I hate the Blackberry, too. The iPod I love and I’m growing attached to it. It’s a 64GB one so I could put almost all my music there and even some reading too.

I was vegging on the deck, the sun was kind and the smell of the bay not too bad and the iPod found me John Coltrane, playing Too Young To Go Steady just as the boat swayed left and right in just about the right pace. I was probably stoned, too. I named it Travis.

I’ve been trying to write something for the last few weeks. Random notes and thoughts though I was posting somewhat less than usual. The lot of what I wrote is probably not for public consumption and would take some heavy editing to make it corrigible to most. I find it very frustrating.

Alice also I find very distracting. When she smiles, she smiles very pretty.

I’m reading a lot of the news these days and they have all been very boring and tiring. The domestic news is a mad jumble of things and the international news I’ve skipped almost entirely. Except that there’s a Madonna interview in the Rolling Stones so I bought that.

Madonna said she didn’t know where San Pedro is. She said she might have been “on the way to the studio and seen an exit ramp for San Pedro.”

I was chatting with Rob the other day. He was suggesting that Antasari Azhar fucked it up over a chick. Indonesian anti-corruption czar allegedly ordered a hit on a CEO after an affair gone wrong. Rob said that many great men have fallen for more stupid reasons whenever girls were involved.

Indonesians have no tradition for assassination. People disappear all the time, but public assassination is almost unheard of. Firearms are illegal so public, mafia-style hit are certainly very rare. The most well known of such hit was probably Tommy Soeharto’s - a Supreme Justice in July, 2001. Both were carried by thugs on a motorbike, shots to the head through the passenger seat window with a backup team slowing the car down and made time for the getaway. Tommy was sentenced for 15 years. Antasari is most likely going down for more.

He was the prosecutor in Tommy’s case and I thought that was kinda peculiar.

I was going to look it up but I haven’t because I couldn’t be bothered doing anything on Sunday.

The Verses the White Rabbit Read

'They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.


He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?


I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.


If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.


My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.


Don't let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.'

~These were the verses the White Rabbit read, from Who Stole the Tarts
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
by Lewis Carroll

on an iPod, Last.Fm and Tom Petty

I now have an iPod touch - a brand new 64GB version. A little Fairy girl got it for me. Was pretty weird, you know the whole iPod thingy but i don't think of these stuff much nowadays and just started playing with it.

I have been on Last.fm for a number of years. I've the scrobbler installed on my Vista machine, and i listen to music from my laptop for most of the day when i'm working outside. Until recently, the music at home was streamed on a separate box - and this one plays different set of playlists. At home, for example, i listen to a lot of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

The last two days i changed the setup so now the music at home will always be from one machine - and scrobles the iPod too.

Last.fm now totally listens to everything i'm listening to.

I feel violated.


PS: the iPod is totally fun. 

on a Napkin

hoping
expecting
wanting
wishing
waiting.

on Freak Occurences

Weird things are starting – like one big fucking hurricane of fish, climate adjusted for a post modern shitstorm – happening on daily basis.

It’s getting harder and harder to believe except in this one I feel happier and happier every day. Better. I haven’t felt this good for ages. Maybe it’s just my shit but I find it hard to readjust for good times.

Vi asked if I was really upset because a girl refused to go see Inglourious Basterds with me. Like that’s the reason I been listening to Muse on a perfectly good Saturday. Sis called the other night – she posted the pictures on Facebook, I’m not in it because I was elsewhere eating fish. She said she wanted to meet her. I told them I no longer date rodents.

I was wondering if there’s some weird cosmic activity this week that everybody went back to high school.

I spoke to Olive a few days ago. She said shit happens. We actually spoke for a while, like longer than we’ve spoken in many years. Lots of things were happening in her life. I could tell just by listening to her voice. I told her I was reading somebody Sapardi lines. Ayat Ayat Api. I think she remarked something some better lines hidden somewhere.

A few hours ago Princess called. Like, on my phone. Rang four or five or six times before I picked up. I don’t even have her number anymore but I still recognize it by sight and took the call. She was chatty as usual though I was much less so.

I wasn’t sure why she was calling though I could probably guess. Before she got anywhere I told her that I was thinking of someone. Before our conversation got anywhere, the first thing I told her was that I had somebody in mind. Let’s call her Alice. She took me to wonderland, I said. She cracked a familiar giggle.

She said she was at the Immigrant just a few hours ago and she saw me at the bar.

I sort of thought I knew why she was calling but I thought it was something else.

She asked what happened and she seemed like in listening mode so I spilled out. I used to wait for her in the parking lot so I thought Princess might get it from a different perspective. People think I was being cute or some obsessive-possessive disorder.

I don’t give a shit, I never really did. I just find social interaction intimidating. I told her I was being almost a complete dick but she just giggled on, saying that she was watching me for a good while of time. That’s really sick cause I was sure checking the place out and I didn’t see her anywhere. I don’t really care though. I just don’t know how to deal with it and I asked if she had any advice. I remember the first time we met, now some five years ago, we had the exact same problems. I was a complete dick then and I stayed in the car instead pretending to be her driver so I don’t have to deal with people so much. When we go to clubs or parties I just wanted to see her the prettiest.

I feel almost like that except that a lot more. I didn’t give a shit then but I do now. We had some sort of argument in the car and she dropped me off at Citos and I’d a feeling she went home feeling crappy and I feel like shit and I don’t want to feel like shit. More importantly, I don’t want her to feel like shit.

She reminded me that I promised not to worry about her as much. Alice – this Alice – is a big girl and she could well take care of herself but I feel like shit still.

I guess Princess would’ve been a good person to ask. She was just not in the right mood. She liked me even less when I didn’t give a shit.

I hate feeling like shit. I hate it more making her feel that way. It’s not like I didn’t see this coming.